Process
Status Items Highlights Done See section below Claims None Questions None Output None
Highlights
Page 16
if my partner wants more affection than I’m giving her, she is “needy and dependent.” But if I want more affection than she is giving me, then she is “aloof and insensitive.” If my colleague is more concerned about details than I am, he is “picky and compulsive.” On the other hand, if I am more concerned about details than he is, he is “sloppy and disorganized.”
✏️ We are focused on classifying wrongness rather than what we need and are not getting. You can’t do anything with this info except judge. If you know what’s needed, that’s something that can be addressed 📖 (Page 16)
Page 16
They are tragic because when we express our values and needs in this form, we increase defensiveness and resistance among the very people whose behaviors are of concern to us. Or, if people do agree to act in harmony with our values, they will likely do so out of fear, guilt, or shame because they concur with our analysis of their wrongness.
✏️ When we analyze wrongness, all we get is resistance, or obedience thru fear, guilt and shame.. Which in turn will just breed resentment, low self esteem, etc 📖 (Page 16)